Assalamualaikum everyone!

I’m back! I know, I know—here I am, popping in and out like a surprise guest!

Now, I get it: blogging might not be the trend anymore. With endless social media platforms and those snappy short videos, it seems like everyone prefers to watch instead of read. But you know what? I just want to write! I miss pouring my heart out without worrying about being judged. So, here I am, ready to let my thoughts flow once in a while.

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It's October 17, 2024, and honestly? I’m feeling tired. Tired of life’s relentless pace. Sometimes I wonder about my future. I've lost interest in my current job, and I can’t quite pinpoint what truly interests me anymore. It feels like I’m wandering aimlessly in a fog.

Now, don’t get me wrong—I’m not unhappy! Alhamdulillah, since I got married, my husband brings so much joy into my life. He goes above and beyond to make me feel like a queen. Is he perfect? Nope, but I’m grateful for everything he does. I’d say he’s the missing puzzle piece in my life, and now that puzzle is 99% complete!

But here’s the kicker: I feel this immense pressure. Pressure from everyone’s expectations. It’s a bit funny, isn’t it? I’m exhausted by all the praise I receive. I used to appreciate it, but now it feels like a heavy rock resting on my shoulders—weighty and painful.

I’m afraid of being laughed at. Afraid of making mistakes because people expect perfection from me. I don’t want my errors to burden others; I don’t want to be a burden myself. I hate that feeling.

Sometimes I wonder: Am I hating responsibility, or am I just being ungrateful for the life I have? I feel stuck—trapped within myself. Am I lost?

 Hi!

Last post was in 2019. Itu pun berhenti setakat part 1. Konon nak buat sambungan. Tapi, macam biasalah mood dah lari ke hujung dunia, tak terkejar.

Sebenarnya banyak je post yang dah draft, tapi tak publish. Bukan takat tak publish, Siap tak habis tulis lagi.

2019 -  dah lima tahun berlalu.

Life?

 - Alhamdulillah, dah selamat kahwin dengan D, my love dalam post bawah haha. 

(I selit sekali post dalam laci yang tak siap tu)

- I masih di tempat kerja yang sama, jawatan yang sama, gred yang sama, lambakan kerja je tak sama kahkah

- Bella kucing diva I dah pulang ke negeri abadi, beberapa hari sebelum I dirisik dan ayah jatuh sakit. Bella pergi setelah sebulan bertarung dengan FeLV dan kanser kidney  /  lymphoma.

- Uteh mula jajah rumah kami, since Raya Haji 2019. Sekarang dia lah majikan. 

- Ayah juga telah pulang kepada penciptaNya, November 2023. Hampir dua tahun ayah jalani dialisis air, ayah pergi kerana jangkitan kuman dalam paru-paru. Kehilangan paling besar dalam hidup.

Begitulah life update yang signifikan untuk lima tahun ini.

Harapnya ada lah kerajinan untuk terus update selepas ini. hihi.

PS: I nak tukar layout pun tak reti dah ni!

Hi blog. I'm sorry for neglecting you until today and sorry for coming back just to let my heart out here.

25. 4.2019


It wasn't an ordinary day to me. It has become a big turning point to my love life which I had never imagined before.

I still remember the moment when I got the message from D.

"Sayang, B ada berita sedih. B accident"


On Monday before, D agreed to come to Ipoh to meet my parents. So we planned to have a date after the meeting with my parents.

He asked me to watch Avengers with him but I declined it at first. On Wednesday, After several thoughts, I agreed to joined him and asked him to buy the tix. We were excited with the plan.

The only thing left was him to buy his bus tickets.


The next morning, on 25th,

I was in a meeting room in the office, waiting for it to get started. I was startled and I wished it was only a joke from him. Until he sent me the picture of the incident. So it wasn't a joke. It was real.

I rushed to toilet, cried my heart out and tried to find someone to let my heart out. I messaged Eimie and told her what had happened and what was happened to me at that time.

Once the meeting finished, I called Ibu and asked her permission to go to KL on Friday. Little did I know, Allah is the best planner, indeed. Kakak had planned to go to KL and already book a hotel for 3d2n. So I Took on leave and went to KL for three days.

Those who knows me must know that I prefer to ride on train instead of travelling by bus. However, for buying KTM ticket in last minute was a definite failure, I had no other choice beside taking bus. I forgot how scared I was before.


Alhamdulillah, the journey was smooth and I arrived in KL around 11.30. Just one hour before the visiting hour for HUKM.