I am sorry for not doing my best to save you

September had been quite rough for me. For us, actually.

To lose someone you love is what the reality you will face through no matter what,

That is the promise we made with the Almighty. That we, every creation in this world will eventually back to Him.

Sometimes you think that you've prepared it enough, as you believe you and people around you will go anytime soon.

More than you prepare yourself to go to meet Him.





but,
when the reality hits you,

you realized,


it is hard. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than you think.


You cant even explain to anyone how you feel. You cant even tell your loved ones to be strong or be patient in accepting the reality nor you can see their tears.

The most painful thing is you are seeing the people you love are trying to be strong while moving on with their life. The struggle in accepting reality and their tears could be the reason of your breaking point.

I am struggling with myself, I don't even know how to convey my own feelings either.


I really hope I could share my warm hug with my cousins and Makcu, and tell them, be strong. No, I can't, because I feel like telling them to be strong is like torturing their emotion instead of showing my supports. Maybe it is just me who feel like that. I'm not sure.


Sometimes, seeing mom crying after Maghrib, is waaaaaaaaaaaay more heartbreaking. I dont know how to calm her. I dont know how to stop her tears. I know she misses her one and only brother.


Because, I miss him too. Al-Fatihah.

Hye and Assalamualaikum, guys.


Saje nak update pendek as I dah feel a bit dizzy sebab lama sangat menatap video yang tak siap-siap dari hari tu.

You know what? ANOTHER THREE WEEK BEFORE I END MY INTERNSHIP. YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..............nope, I should stop yahoo-ing myself here.

The ending of the internship means the beginning of job hunting for me. Actually, I got an offer from my boss to work here, but as I keep thinking and consider things here and there, I've decided to not continue to work here. Bila dah takde hati kan, macam mana nak stay sini. huhu.


Nama pun short update, so I stop here for a while. Nanti kita rajin kita update panjang lagi, kayh?

It's 1130 pm right now. Another 30 minutes before this special day ended.


Thank you for all the doa(s) and wishes. i really appreciate it. Thank you so much.


Dulu masa sekolah pernah berangan umur 20 dah ada boyfriend yang boleh bagi teddy bear sama saiz dengan aku. haha. Macam apa je bila ingat. Punya beza dah harapan dulu dengan sekarang yang mana aki harus meletakka  aim yang lebih nyata. Aim yang aku sendiri tak boleh nak cerita lagi. Cuma, doakan lah usaha aku untuk mencapai aim tersebut dipermudahkan.


Sekian sahaja post pendek untuk hari lahir yang ke 22. Sebab esok nak pi kerja 😭😭😭

Kalau ditanya,

I used to show how much I appreciate your existence in my life Years to years I realized that my efforts were not worthy at all I was the only one who still believed that our friendship was still exist, at least. Never mind, Happy birthday, dear used-to-be-my-friend