September had been quite rough for me. For us, actually.

To lose someone you love is what the reality you will face through no matter what,

That is the promise we made with the Almighty. That we, every creation in this world will eventually back to Him.

Sometimes you think that you've prepared it enough, as you believe you and people around you will go anytime soon.

More than you prepare yourself to go to meet Him.





but,
when the reality hits you,

you realized,


it is hard. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay harder than you think.


You cant even explain to anyone how you feel. You cant even tell your loved ones to be strong or be patient in accepting the reality nor you can see their tears.

The most painful thing is you are seeing the people you love are trying to be strong while moving on with their life. The struggle in accepting reality and their tears could be the reason of your breaking point.

I am struggling with myself, I don't even know how to convey my own feelings either.


I really hope I could share my warm hug with my cousins and Makcu, and tell them, be strong. No, I can't, because I feel like telling them to be strong is like torturing their emotion instead of showing my supports. Maybe it is just me who feel like that. I'm not sure.


Sometimes, seeing mom crying after Maghrib, is waaaaaaaaaaaay more heartbreaking. I dont know how to calm her. I dont know how to stop her tears. I know she misses her one and only brother.


Because, I miss him too. Al-Fatihah.